Imposter Syndrome, My personal brand of self-sabotage (and how I finally stopped the cycle)

I’ve launched businesses. I’m a patent holder. I got a product on the store shelves at Babies R Us.  I’ve helped clients launch businesses. I even created a franchise for one of them.  Yet, I haven’t met my business goals or aspirations. Why? Because I have a pattern of consistently sabotaging myself every time there’s a chance I might get there.

I’ve had support. I’ve had encouragement. I can launch like a mo fo. I don’t procrastinate. But, yet around and around I went for years, dare I say decades. In fact, I only recently (within the past few years) even recognized the pattern, the self-sabotage, the imposter syndrome.

What is imposter syndrome? 

Imposter syndrome is a weird phenomenon that shows up in smart, capable people, making them feel not enough. Or, as the theory postulates, an imposter- a person who isn’t capable, doesn’t deserve to be successful, and shouldn’t shine their star. Maybe they feel they don’t have the right education, talent, attractiveness, or qualifications to be doing what they’re doing. And so they feel like an imposter.

How does it show up?

For me, it has shown up as a sneaky form of self-sabotage. It doesn’t say, you’re not smart enough you can’t do this but it shows up when I’m at a weak point. Say I’m launching a product and it’s crickets. Limited sales and not too much excitement. My brain doesn’t think, “when the going gets tough, the tough get going”. Nope, straight to sabotage.  Nobody wants this. It’s not that good anyway. You don’t have the proper qualifications. The spiral of negative thinking takes over, and I become paralyzed to create new ideas or take next steps. 

This has happened to me more times than I can count, and I’m fighting through it right now, which is why I decided to write about it. 

I recently created RISE Cognitive Blueprint, a science-informed curriculum to support young adults in strengthening their self-awareness, decision-making, and confidence. I’ve made some great connections. I’ve received positive feedback and have my first school ready to pilot the program. And I want to pull the covers over my head and hide. Intellectually, I know that sales of a new initiative, particularly one that is a little different, don’t sell overnight. Yet, I’m impatient, and my brain judges the quiet as failure. 

So what’s the good news?

The only difference now is that I recognize what’s happening. I see it in real time. And I now have a framework to do something about it. As if in the matrix, I need the framework of RISE Cognitive Blueprint to get me out of the imposter syndrome and self-sabotage of not promoting RISE Cognitive Blueprint. 

You might be saying, “ok Ro, you lost me”.  Let me translate. I’m using my framework of Recognize * Investigate * Shift * Evolve to fight through my own limiting beliefs. After all, limiting beliefs are like any other bad habit that needs to be overcome.

The first step in any change is awareness. We can’t change what we don’t see. That’s Recognize. I see my pattern. I see me not wanting to do the work needed to make the program successful. I see myself not reaching out, not sharing, not solidifying my messaging.

Next, what am I doing and why — Investigate. I see the behaviors and ask myself why I’m acting in a way that’s incongruent with my goals. If I’m being honest with myself, the answer is I’m afraid it’s not good enough. Afraid I’m not good enough. Afraid someone will ask me a question that I don’t know the answer to, and I’ll feel like a fraud.

Now that I’m aware and I know that my behavior (and thoughts) are not aligned with my goals, it’s time to do something about it - Shift. The best way that I have found to make a change is by starting out with something small. For example, write an email, a blog, or make a post. Do something. 

It’s actually that simple. But of course, simple is not easy. The next step is to keep taking the small steps. One small step, compounded over time, will create your new habit and new results. That’s Evolve. 

There’s more to each step of RISE but that’s the gist of it. The framework, if you will. For me, Evolve is the hardest – continuing to do the things you know you need to do. My brain skews negative. It’s a constant practice for me to stay on track. 

Meditation 

Even just a few minutes a day has a big impact. The ability to take yourself out of your thoughts for even a short time is empowering and has lasting effects throughout the day. I began with 2-minutes a day.  I set the timer for 2-minutes and sat quietly. You can purposefully breathe in and out to a count of 5. Or, you can quietly repeat a mantra in your head. If you feel your brain wandering off, gently pull it back to your breathing or your mantra. Give it a try and let me know how it goes!

Tapping / EFT 

Healthline defines The Emotional Freedom Technique as a self-help acupressure method that combines gentle fingertip tapping on specific body points with focused verbal statements to reduce stress and negative emotions.  When I first heard about it, I thought it sounded, well, stupid. And when I do it, it sometimes feels silly, but I swear it works. I just heard that Medicare now pays for recipients to have access to the same app that I use. They are pretty stringent about what Medicare pays for, so this tells me a lot.  Here’s the app I use.  I highly recommend it.

Exercise 

Yup, everyone says it, but it’s true. Regular exercise really helps. Clears the brain, gets the juices flowing. All the good things.  Find something you like and stick with it.  Walking, running, dancing, the gym, pilates, etc. 

Journaling

I journal every day. On bad days, I acknowledge how I’m feeling and write an intention for how I would like to feel. I don’t allow myself to dwell in a bad mood for more than a day or so and definitely not over stupid stuff. Journaling helps. 

Podcasts and Books

I listen to books and podcasts every day that inspire and educate me. I choose to make lifelong learning a habit. 

Don’t try to do everything if you haven’t done these things before. Start with one.  See how it feels and decide if you can incorporate it into your routine. Remember small steps!

The key for me is that I’m now aware that I need to take deliberate steps to keep myself on track and be my best self. I still get caught in negative thoughts, including imposter syndrome and ‘not enoughness '. The difference is I can now Recognize, Investigate and Shift it to Evolve into the person I want to be.